Wondering Why Is It So Hard To Remember Your Wife’s Birthday?

Raoul Eiseman
5 min readOct 9, 2020
Photo by Manasvita S on Unsplash

I lead a very simple life so it is 2 am and I am thinking about going to bed and I said Alexa, what is the date and she said it is October 8 and I said shit. No wonder she was making a cake today because it is her birthday and look at my watch in panic. The local supermarket is open 24/7 so I drive over and walk to the door and the big sign states this door is closed so I walk over to the other door and a guard says may I help you? I said aren’t you open and he said that because of the pandemic they close midnight to six and if I need food that 7/11 is open. I explain my horrible plight and he sympathizes with me and I say, let me buy one of these plants in the lot and I will pay you and much to my relief he approves, but said I need to go lock some doors so leave the money in the shopping cart by the door. So I pick a hanging plant with pretty flowers knowing we don’t have any hooks for it and I think I will hang it from a ceiling lamp or something and look in my wallet to find three fives for my $10.99 plant. I put it under a newspaper with the three fives showing in a nice pattern being careful not to touch the cart or the newspaper. Wait, I say to myself what if somebody walks up and takes the money or how do I know the guard won’t pocket the money and I decide no matter as I walk way over to the car parked at the other door and I laugh out loud to the world thinking what a clever lad I am to have remembered her birthday and have these beautiful flowers for her when she comes down in the morning.

I get home and can’t find any hooks or lamps to hang the plant so I put it on the garbage can and think the symbolism is all wrong so move to a table. I go upstairs and develop an email to send to all government agencies that have jurisdictions over wildfires my incredible plan on water generators that I mentioned before for another story and go to bed about 5. I wake up in the morning and think to myself remember to say Happy Birthday and she will tell me how nice that I got her such a nice plant. I grab my cell phone while going into the bathroom and read a text to the boys where she said he doesn’t know anything about plants and bought Daises and I hope he didn’t spend more than $5 on them. My bubble of how clever I am is instantly destroyed and I look at my emails and one of the government agencies has sent a large link…